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A Science Lesson

Some of you may know that I used to be a secondary school science teacher.

I wrote this poem to my students when I left a post where I had been maternity cover for about 9 months. I really enjoyed my time at this school and had a genuine fondness for all the students mentioned here. Some of you may know who you are and may remember the incidents that feature in the poem.

Please note, this is not one typical lesson but an amalgamation of a number of incidents that stuck in my mind at the end of my period working there.


A Science Lesson (with apologies to Joyce Grenfell)


Now, this subject is really weighty,

Concentrate. Now, what is it Katy?

Where was I? Ah yes. Your point is Glen?

Dale, DALE! Please don’t eat your pen.

Now, look! You’re all but covered in ink.

Oh Lilly, you know you don’t write in pink.

I really would like to start this lesson.

No, NO! Billy! Please don’t turn the gas on!

What’s that? Are we doing a practical?

Only if you work well; this is factual.

Copy the instructions off the board.

Now Laurence, don’t do that with that cord.

You’ll strangle yourself. Now Craig, you’ve broken

Your calculator! No! Peter, you’ll choke on

That pen lid. Oh No! Fetch the nurse,

Amber, please!

Jack! Jack! Get out of my purse!

Now, altogether children, lets listen,

You never know, you may learn something this lesson.

Laurence, take that off, that’s not a mask!

Laura, if you don’t understand it, just ask.

Ok, now draw this. Sam! That’s typical!

I am fed up! Your behaviour; it’s despicable!

James, can it be, that’s all you’ve written?

Rosie, ROSIE! The stool is only to sit on.

Right! Let’s get the Bunsens set up.

No, No! Sebastian, that should not be cut!

Don’t stir with that. Use this instead.

James, why is it you’ve done your drawing in red?

Who did this graffiti on this table?

Josh, boil the water in this kettle.

No, Louis, we don’t say ‘Hell!’


Oh, thank goodness. Is that the Bell?

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